Monday, September 5, 2011

#2 Skinny Love

I plan to be busy for the rest of the night so I thought I'd write a little post before Danny comes for his tutoring session. I didn't do too much today; I woke up late, went to uni and then hurried home only to have Tin cancel his lesson. I hate work ! It's probably the most annoying job ever. Strict parents, lazy students, lack of communication, incomplete homework and not to mention the odd hours are such a pain !
Then again, I shouldn't complain. It is much easier that other jobs in terms of physical labour but it's definitely prone to more headaches. And nonetheless, I need the money. France is drawing nearer and all of a sudden massive problems have arisen. Not only have I not been working a lot, my parents haven't either. It's such a nightmare. I have never wanted myself to say that I need money but it's becoming more important in my life. Perhaps I have simply 'grown up' but I feel almost disappointed in myself.
Anyway, I'm reconsidering France since I don't want to put my parents in a more difficult situation than they are already in. I have a dream but others have dreams too. Can't be too selfish, hey ?
Financial problems, admin problems, academic problems... I just feel like I'll never get what I want !

Sunday, September 4, 2011

#1 I'll Try Anything Once

Last night at approximately 3.34am I had a sudden urge to write in my journal. It had been a good 19 months since I had written anything in it (let alone touch it) but I just felt so utterly compelled to get out of my bed's pocket of warmth to find a pen. I realised how hard it was to write in semi-darkness and on my pillow as some form of table when the drops of ink couldn't match the pace of my thoughts. It's like trying to make a water bed stay still when everyone wants a fucking shot at trying it out.
Anyway, I slept at 4am with a sore neck, tired arm and without a medium-sized weight on my chest. Phew.

It's now 7.26pm and I'm supposed to be reading Just and Unjust Wars by Walzer but I can't seem to even open it. I've just been dawdling around for the past hour or two whilst I silently worry over a growing to-do list. What a worry wart I am. So, I thought I'd make a blog (another) to express this strange emotion that's slowly festering me.. I swear I will be swallowed whole by the misery that I, and only I, have put myself in.

I'm the red kite, my name is Mi (well, I prefer to be called that) and I plan to be more honest.